Monthly Archives: April 2020

Episode 177: John’s Alcohol Journey

What should have been a simple task has become an ordeal and now it’s all here for you to listen to, Fams. John simply wanted to tell Henry of the drinking he has done in the past couple of days, but what happens? The ole Henry derailment train pulls into the station. Wait. A derailment train? Wouldn’t that, like, destroy whatever rail is in front of it? So it would derail itself? How would it even reach the station? No idea.

John mentions an artist in this episode and then never says who they are, so we’re going to give a little shout out to Alex Schafer here in the description. Go check out his work!

Episode 176: Cultural Doldrums

It’s 1493 and we’ve been on this boat for months. Sure, we set off in 1492, but we didn’t realize it was going to take more than half a year to get to India. And sure, we all want to get rich by trading spices, but this is a bit too far, don’t you think? It’s been a couple of weeks and we’ve gone no where. There’s no wind. We’re lucky we stopped by those islands and picked up a couple of tortoises, else the other men would be going crazy with thoughts of running out of food, but even the tortoises will only last so long. Why’d we even take on this venture in the first place, not knowing how long the long way around would be? It’s all that crazy Christo’s fault. Maybe…we should mutiny…and sail back for Spain, where we came from.

So yeah, it’s like that, I guess.

Episode 175: Let the Big Dog Eat

In far off lands, there lives a tale of a large dog. For centuries, this large dog ate and ate as it pleased, smacking its lips on delicious treats. Then humans came to the large dog and told it that it could no longer eat. The big dog, sad, listened to the humans and stopped eating. Centuries passed and all seemed well. But slowly, the world became worse. Global warming. Disease. Quarantines outside of the Quarantine region of France. The large dog had been protecting humanity from these things for so long as its treats were carbon emissions and diseases.

So please. As John says. Let him be the first one to say, “Let the big dog eat.”

Episode 174: John Doesn’t Like Animal Crossing: Diablo Edition

I hear what you’re saying, and I’m wondering it to. Does John not liking Animal Crossing make him some kind of grotesque monster? Do we have the right to judge said monster based on his preferences alone? Well I’m here to tell you the answer to both of those questions is yes. John is a monster, one who works for the Lord of Terror himself, Diablo. It’s out job to band together as no more than four adventures to loot and kill our way to John’s evil throne and take him down once and for all. I just pray we have enough bells to afford the equipment we need to take him out. Maybe someone could arrange a loan for us. Wait, what’s this raccoon doing here? Why do I have a sudden urge to fish for hours on end?