Monthly Archives: February 2019

Episode 126: What Didn’t We Watch (ft. Jamie)



John is sick. He may *sob* never record again. At least for this week, which is why for the first time ever, a ZCPC episode was recorded without him. This is an historic moment, one whose implications may very well echo all the way to next week. When Henry won’t be able to record. Anyway, scrambling to find a cohost, Henry did what he always does. He asked his fiancee. Soon to be wife. Like tomorrow to be wife. And as she’s done before, she said yes. She would love to be on the podcast. And so this happened. Jamie is here, Henry is here, John is not. They discuss the Oscars and what movies probably deserve to be there more so than others, all of which Henry and Jamie have not actually seen. Who the hell cares about A Star is Born? Who is that movie for?

I once met Bradly Cooper in a bar in Copenhagen on a Wednesday night in the Spring of 1995. I was sitting at the bar, minding my own business, when he sat next to me. He said in a low voice so that no one else could hear him, “Hey. My name’s Bradly Cooper. In 24 years, I’m going to direct a movie called A Star is Born with Lady Gaga and myself as lead actors.”  He looked around the bar to see if anyone else heard. But we were alone. Not even the bartender was there. He leaned back in. “You better go see it, buddy. Else I’ll be back. I’ll stab your dog, man. I’m not kidding. You better go fuckin’ see it. I have a knife, buddy. A real, big knife. And I went to classes to learn how to use it. I got my knife license, if you know what I mean. I paid out the ass for that license. I’ll stab your dog and then I’ll stab you. Go see my movie. Go see my fuckin’ moving. I’m not kidding. You think this is a joke?” He moved his jacket aside and I saw he had a large knife tucked into his belt loop. “Go see my movie. Go. Go now. Go to a theater and wait 24 years for my movie. I have things to do. I need to graduate acting school and star in Wet Hot American Summer. I have plans. But you go to the theater. I’ll call up theaters randomly and if you’re not there, waiting for my movie, I’ll be back. With my knife. And I’ll stab your dog.” He got up and was gone into the Copenhagen night. That encounter stuck with me for a long time and I’d think of him whenever I did manage to pop into a theater. Over all, I thought he was a nice guy. Cause he didn’t really escalate his threats and I’ve never had a dog.

It’s all here! On Zero Credit(s)!


Episode 125: The Fresh Prince Blues



Wedding bells are ringing in the distance. The Wedding Party is bearing down on our position. We’ve put up a good fight, but I don’t know how much longer we’ll last. Nuptials are imminent. In this episode, John tries to wring some amount of discussion out of the existence of Blue Will Smith, but Henry has seen ALL THE MEMES and does not wish to entertain the subject further, robbing listeners of untold joy. Then, the Boys are going on vacation! John, to the most magical place on Earth: Disney World! Henry, to some kind of wet clown dance in a desert. Marvel as Henry dishes out his top picks for Disney magic. Gasp as John recounts spinning apple ride horror stories. Tremble with anger as neither host mentions your favorite Disney attraction. It’s a whole new world just around the river bend Olaf, this week on Zero Credit(s)!

 


Episode 124: The Big Game LIII AKA Death of the American Monoculture



What up Sports Survivors, it’s hike time on the Zero Credit(s) Grid Iron and the New England Footballs are roarin’ to go up against the St. Lou–Los Angeles Helmeted-Men. In the aftermath, no one is left pleased, save for a small community of people on the East Coast who have literally never known pain, for they have lived in the golden era of summer that is the blandest team in football. I mean, if you’re a fan of the New England Sucktriots, then fine. Feel free to continue living your fucking privileged life where suffering is a word in a book seldom read. For the rest of us, we’ll just continue living our shit pain lives of misery, while Brady struggles to lift his precious robot hands due to the weight of six way-too big rings that honestly look kind of dumb. We wouldn’t one anyway. Also television is dead, no one tried, and corporations are awful, translucent money goblins whose thin intentions are as easily read as that aforementioned suffering book. Mixed metaphors and amateur sports analysis overflow in this episode. Cause that’s what you signed up for.


Episode 123: The RKO Heard Round the World



Recorded live in front of an unnecessarily loud refrigerator in beautiful Two Bedroom Apartment, Texas, it’s Zero Credit(s)! The Boys made a promise and, against good taste and better judgement, they stuck to their word. Join them this week as they discuss, in its entirety, the single most exhausting sporting event: the WWE Royal Rumble. The Semi-Knowledgable Force faces off against the Apathetic Object in this clash of wills. Will John ever stop talking about New Japan Pro Wrestling? Will Henry continue to tolerate Hornswoggle? Who will be left standing with the Intercontinental Bruiserweight Smackdown Tag Team Adrenachrome belt? Find out NOW, on this week’s episode of Zero Credit(s)!