It’s been a while since the last one of these, but it’s just Henry this week on Zero Credit(s) presents a Less Than Zero and boy does he have a lot to talk about. The Oscars happened and for once, it wasn’t totally irrelevant due to unpredictable actions from the rich and famous with little to no consequences. Amazing. Also mentioned but never really discussed: Elden Ring. Is this a good episode? Will people listen to just Henry talk endlessly into the abyss, waiting for a response that will never come? I don’t know, and frankly, it fills me with anxiety. It’s all here, this week on a Less Than Zero.
It’s Oscars time again and boy are trying to care. Why not talk about things a little more relevant like trying to buy a home while being a millennial. It’s tough. Investment properties are taking up all the homes. Also Spirit and Frontier Airlines are merging. Lots of fun and so much shade is thrown this episode of Zero Credit(s). Next episode is 250. Stay tuned for how it all begins again.
Oh and art is back!
In our first interim episode during our Hot Godzilla Summer fest, it’s time to put the Oscars in the dirt where they belong. It’s a tired tradition that brings nothing of value to society other than letting the people involved know they do good work, which to be honest, most of them do in a way that it seems cruel to pick a winner out of them. We recap briefly the 93rd Academy Awards with this in mind and then quickly devolve into a cascading river of topics that include, John’s feelings about life after COVID and the gauntlet being thrown as Citizen Kane is dethroned as the greatest movie of all time. We have most of it right here, on Zero Credit(s), next week is Kong: Skull Island.
It doesn’t happen often, but occasionally, the Academy gets things right, such as when they refused to let me become a cop. I was really just in it for the gun. Now, the Academy has gotten a second thing right: Parasite won every award it should have. For the first time in history, a foreign language film swept the Oscars and took home so many little golden men statues. Other notable things happened that night and Henry and John will discuss them, but let me tell you about the gun I almost had. It was a walter pk 45 and it weighed as much as two full cups of coffee, but in one hand. It was shiny and grey like gunmetal, because it was a gun. The lieutenant saw me talking to it and then they wouldn’t let me become a cop any more and I feel like maybe I could get a second chance if I dyed my hair and changed my name, but that’s for another time.
Also happening: the fourth installment of the ongoing MiniSupRed on Fast and Furious: Spyracers.
John is sick. He may *sob* never record again. At least for this week, which is why for the first time ever, a ZCPC episode was recorded without him. This is an historic moment, one whose implications may very well echo all the way to next week. When Henry won’t be able to record. Anyway, scrambling to find a cohost, Henry did what he always does. He asked his fiancee. Soon to be wife. Like tomorrow to be wife. And as she’s done before, she said yes. She would love to be on the podcast. And so this happened. Jamie is here, Henry is here, John is not. They discuss the Oscars and what movies probably deserve to be there more so than others, all of which Henry and Jamie have not actually seen. Who the hell cares about A Star is Born? Who is that movie for?
I once met Bradly Cooper in a bar in Copenhagen on a Wednesday night in the Spring of 1995. I was sitting at the bar, minding my own business, when he sat next to me. He said in a low voice so that no one else could hear him, “Hey. My name’s Bradly Cooper. In 24 years, I’m going to direct a movie called A Star is Born with Lady Gaga and myself as lead actors.” He looked around the bar to see if anyone else heard. But we were alone. Not even the bartender was there. He leaned back in. “You better go see it, buddy. Else I’ll be back. I’ll stab your dog, man. I’m not kidding. You better go fuckin’ see it. I have a knife, buddy. A real, big knife. And I went to classes to learn how to use it. I got my knife license, if you know what I mean. I paid out the ass for that license. I’ll stab your dog and then I’ll stab you. Go see my movie. Go see my fuckin’ moving. I’m not kidding. You think this is a joke?” He moved his jacket aside and I saw he had a large knife tucked into his belt loop. “Go see my movie. Go. Go now. Go to a theater and wait 24 years for my movie. I have things to do. I need to graduate acting school and star in Wet Hot American Summer. I have plans. But you go to the theater. I’ll call up theaters randomly and if you’re not there, waiting for my movie, I’ll be back. With my knife. And I’ll stab your dog.” He got up and was gone into the Copenhagen night. That encounter stuck with me for a long time and I’d think of him whenever I did manage to pop into a theater. Over all, I thought he was a nice guy. Cause he didn’t really escalate his threats and I’ve never had a dog.
It’s all here! On Zero Credit(s)!
We’re out here on the digital red carpet, talking to all the stars as they upload their consciousnesses to the Hollywood Theater Chatroom. We’ve downloaded it all. The Shape of Water, Call Me By Your Name, Ladybird, Dunkrik, others, I’m sure. John and Henry are ex-cite-d to say the least about these 90th Annual Academy Awards and boy is this episode long. Every award is discussed. Each one. Even the technical awards. Because every award matters and skipping commentary on even one of these prestigious awards is a cardinal sin against the house that Chaplin built. Who wins? Who goes home in shame, never to be heard from again until their inevitable next nomination? Who will we see in at least two more movies after their win, as ordained in the Academy Winners Contract? We’ve got the tips. We’ve got the tricks. Everything is here and we don’t have a bit or byte to spare. Let’s blow our budget, it’s Zero Credit(s)!