Spyracers gets okayish, we make a huge FFCU discovery, and then we make another huge FFCU discovery.
It’s all Fast and Furious all the time here at Zero Credit(s). You ride. You fight.
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Episode 168: Parasite Wins Everything. As It Should.
It doesn’t happen often, but occasionally, the Academy gets things right, such as when they refused to let me become a cop. I was really just in it for the gun. Now, the Academy has gotten a second thing right: Parasite won every award it should have. For the first time in history, a foreign language film swept the Oscars and took home so many little golden men statues. Other notable things happened that night and Henry and John will discuss them, but let me tell you about the gun I almost had. It was a walter pk 45 and it weighed as much as two full cups of coffee, but in one hand. It was shiny and grey like gunmetal, because it was a gun. The lieutenant saw me talking to it and then they wouldn’t let me become a cop any more and I feel like maybe I could get a second chance if I dyed my hair and changed my name, but that’s for another time.
Also happening: the fourth installment of the ongoing MiniSupRed on Fast and Furious: Spyracers.
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Episode 167: Happy Anniversary Zero Credit(s): BIG GAME EDITION
Four years, 200+ episodes over three shows, and 167 episodes of the main show. It’s been a journey. When John and I set out to create this podcast, we had but one goal in mind: to one day have over 50% of each episode dedicated solely to the Fast and Furious franchise of movies, television shows, and video games. We hadn’t even watched the films when we started four years ago, but somehow we knew this was going to be the goal. It was knowledge we didn’t understand filtered through the inky blackness of the cultural zeitgeist. Now here we are, with the third installment of our MiniSupRed of Fast and Furious: Spyracers and a live-listening of the trailer for F9: The Fast Saga serving as the bread of our content sandwich today. In the middle, a nice juicy look at where corporate America thinks the common interest lie through the BIG GAME commercials that the world watches with awe. This year, like many years before it, companies demonstrated a deft out-of-touch quality with an over saturation of celebrity gags and heartfelt, gaslighting messages about firefighters. But anyway, here we go.
From everyone here at the Zero Credit(s) podcast studios, John and I want to thank everyone for listening to this dumb podcast. We would absolutely probably be doing this without you, but it’s so much nicer with you hear. So thanks for listening and here’s to four more years of not knowing what the hell we’re talking about.
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Episode 166: The End of the Chili’s Saga Z166: The Fast Saga 2
The long awaited conclusion to the ongoing and very serious Chili’s Saga arrives. Are you prepared for this thrilling end to the longest ongoing ZC saga ever put forth on this podcast? Probably. We also have the second edition of our Fast and Furious: Spyracers MiniSupRed for you with some even more long awaited news of the ninth installment of the time honored Fast and Furious Cinematic Universe. I’m going to keep this short.
The audio is a little off in this episode and we’re still investigating why. So if it sounds a little weird, that’s why. Hope it doesn’t ruin the experience too much.
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Episode 165: Spy Racers vs Coronavirus
*cough cough cough* Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there. You see, my eyes are really bad right now due to the rampant and dangerous spread of the coronavirus. *cough cough cough* But don’t just stand there. Come in, come in. Make yourself comfortable and let me regale you with the tale of Fast and Furious: Spyracers on Netflix. You see, young Tony Toretto was standing on the same street where his cousin Dom set the street racing record in his fabled 10 Second Car from The Fast and the Furious… Oh, you’ve heard this one before? Well then, I’ll have to resort to a tale no one has ever heard before. You see, deep in an animation lab at Dreamworks Animation, a particularly dedicated animator worked day and night agonizing over the perfect way to animate Vin Diesel for an upcoming show based in the Fast and Furious Cinematic Universe. No matter what this animator tried, nothing seemed to be good enough. Much to their dismay, an executive had the bright idea to send Vin Diesel himself along to check the progress being made on what was sure to be a great show on Netflix streaming now. That’s when the animator hatched a scheme to vile, not even On Animation Studios (makers of Playmobil movie) would resort to it. You see, there exists in the animation world a forbidden technique passed on in whispers throughout the hollowed halls that Disney carved. A way to…capture…real life. In desperation, this animator turned to the dark secrets of the past and ensnared Vin Diesel in a trap, pulling him straight into the world of Fast and Furious: Spyracers on Netflix. The world may never see another Vin Diesel movie again… *cough cough cough* You want to know more? Well, good thing I have an episode of Zero Credit(s) here. I’m going to go lie down now and possibly die of the coronavirus now.
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Episode 164: A New Cinematic Universe Has Entered the Chat: Oscar Buzz Edition
The glitz. The glam. The nanobots pouring through your blood, erasing your memories while programming you to be the most dangerous hitman on the planet. Now you have to track down all the Academy members whose crimes you used to protect in order to take them out as you learn more and more about your gold-plated past. This summer, Vin Diesel will take down the Hollywood elite the only way he knows how: in a sleeveless shirt. But wait, who is this, lurking in the shadows of a derelict building? Is that… is that Jared Leto? And why is he…covered in blood? Oh he’s a vampire now? Huh. Well, okay. Suddenly, from the bushes emerges one of the world’s greatest heroes known the world over for his courage, bravery, and skills with a bow. That’s right. It’s Turok: Dinosaur Hunter, here to save the world from Dinosaurs once again. The Valiant Comics Cinematic Universe (and Morbius from the Venonverse) is primed and ready to explode onto the red carpet tonight as we honor a bunch of white men for their incredible achievements in film. Also Henry has a new music conspiracy theory and an update from his life featuring Chili’s. ALL HERE ON ZERO CREDIT(S).
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Episode 163: Yes Yeah
Happy 2020 to all our lovely fams out there and buckle up, cause 2020’s all about getting (sober) WEIIIRRRRDDDD. That’s right (both Henry and John have decided to conduct a Dryanuary, where you don’t drink for the entire month of January) we’ve got some great content for you to kick off the new year. The studio is abuzz with anticipation (John actually turned to Henry once they were done recording and asked and I quote, “Is it possible to do this podcast sober? I feel like that wasn’t very good.”) of what this new year has in store for us and we already have a rocky start (Henry had no idea how to answer, as the driver at the wheel of his mind car had long fell asleep at the wheel with none of that exciting, electric energy that drinking gives him). War isn’t good (and would be a cause for one to turn to the drink, so it’s extra hard), but it seems we might be heading in that direction. Also discussed: Horse Games Suck Now and I’m Pissed, a rant penned by reddit user emus-with-teeth. We have it all for you in this first episode of 2020 (including a literal cry for help) and we can’t wait to ring in the new year here, on Zero Credit(s).
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Episode 162: Best/Worst 2019
Well, it’s finally here. Performing for you. The first member of the DK Crew. Wait. I meant the end of the year. The end of 20FightTeen is here and we’re here to judge it. Was it a good? Was it a bad? Only by finding the best and worst things of the year can we tell, and that is what we are doing here today. Everyone join hands and await the fate of some of your favorite things. Movies. Video games. Cats from the Cats Movie. All of these and more await us in the great beyond that is Best/Worst. And we are here for it. Because we have no other choice.
Happy New Year to everyone from everyone here at the Zero Credit(s) 2 bed, 2 bath apartment studios. We’ll see you in 2020.
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Episode 161: John Hates Baby Yoda
I know, right? It’s kind of outrageous. John hates Baby Yoda. It’s kind of disgusting. I can’t believe it either. Anyway, this episode of Zero Credit(s) is 50% crazy holiday time traditions and 50% just the latest episode of the Mandalorian. That’s about it, really.
Years ago, I was sitting in a Portland Cafe around 2 pm on Wednesday. I believe the cafe’s name was Brown Time. Local joint, good atmosphere. I was sitting there, sipping on a cup of warm Brown™, when comedian Bill Burr pulled up a chair and sat next to me. He looked me dead in my eyes and he whispers, “Listen here, buddy. This is a stick-up. I am robbing you here in this Brown Time in Portland, Oregon on a Wednesday at 2 pm. Here’s the thing though, palie. I don’t want your money. I don’t want your wallet. Keep it in your pocket, champ.” He looked around, to see if anyone had caught on to his plans, but everyone had their heads buried in their laptops and books. “No, I want something far more valuable, chum. I need your time. Give me your time. I need it. I only have so much time. And I spend more than half of it on stage. Telling jokes. I tell jokes on a stage and make people laugh, but there’s so much more I need to do. So I need your time.” Bill Burr took out a small handgun. He leveled it my chest. “This is a gun, buddy. And it shoots bullets.” He chocked the gun, because it was one of those guns with like the manual hammer thing that they use in movies. “I need your time, pall-o mall-o. I have some projects I want to be in. Star Wars. I’m going to be in Star Wars and no one can stop me but time. Cause I need to be on the road. I need the jokes. I need those jokes to live, skinbag. But Star Wars is so much more. I grew up on that sweet, sweet space opera. It could make my year, jerkboy. So here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to give me a month. That’s all I need. Just give me a month right here on the table. Just lay a month on the table and you can go. Just one month. It’s all I need. All I need is a month. One month.”
He squinted his eye and looked down the barrel of his small handgun.
So I did what anyone would do. I put one of my months on the table. It was a February I’d been saving for a special occasion. I don’t want to call Mr. Burr out, but he did steal a month of my time from me. And I’ll never get it back.
It’s Zero Credit(s)!
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Episode 160: Do Crimes
After a long two-week hiatus, the boys are stuffed like turkeys with that capital G, capital C Good Content. We’ve got your weekly Fast and Furious update, some promises to do a Best/Worst 2019 that may or may not happen, and a whole lot more before we inevitably dive into the supreme joke that is American politics. Joe Biden is making speeches again and boy does it just tickle John’s fancy. The moral of the story: Do Crimes. Just go out and Do some Crimes. Crimes are the future. Do them today*.
*In no way does Zero Credits endorse or support the Doing of Crimes from a legally actionable standpoint. Please do not sue us.
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