Episode 93: Deep Dives into Dark Times

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Gone are the lighthearted days of Black Panther and snippets of longer conversations about Monster Hunter. They have been replaced by a general anxiety of a (at the time) at large serial bomber terrorizing the city of Austin. Curtain aside, we recorded a segment on the Austin bombings on Tuesday and said bomber was apprehended (so to speak) in the early morning hours of Wednesday. We decided to still run the segment as a “moment out of time” sort of look at what living in a terrorized city feels like. Okay, curtain back, Facebook is heavily involved in Russian data-buying schemes, so delete your Facebook (app) and revel in these crazy often Russian tampered times. How do we be happy in these crazy times? Let’s listen to two somewhat depressed people who read about philosophy as a means of trying to find meaning in their lives try to make sense of happiness and these crazy times. That’s… a mouthful… but isn’t that what Zero Credit(s) is all about? Isn’t it? Someone tell me.

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Episode 92: Shmaylights Shmaving Shmime

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It’s that time of year, folks. Flowers start to bloom. Birds unearth themselves from their underground nap. And most US citizens suffer from the mass delusion that physically moving time forward an hour is worth it because…??? Seriously, name one legitimate benefit from moving the clocks ahead an hour. My mom used to say it was for after school activities, so that there’d be light out for football practice, etc., but school let out at 2:25 pm so that never made sense and neither did she. I think it’s the highest time to stop falling for this social experiment of a garbage fire and abolish Daylight Saving Time.

Also discussed: South by Southwest, Musical Paradoxes in Movies, and Advice on Not Seeking Happiness. But seriously, it’s mostly the DST thing. Also a note, the episode is about twenty minutes shorter due to last week’s monster of an episode. Equivalent exchange and all.

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Episode 91: The Second Annual Academy Awards Episode Featuring the 90th Annual Academy Awards

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We’re out here on the digital red carpet, talking to all the stars as they upload their consciousnesses to the Hollywood Theater Chatroom. We’ve downloaded it all. The Shape of Water, Call Me By Your Name, Ladybird, Dunkrik, others, I’m sure. John and Henry are ex-cite-d to say the least about these 90th Annual Academy Awards and boy is this episode long. Every award is discussed. Each one. Even the technical awards. Because every award matters and skipping commentary on even one of these prestigious awards is a cardinal sin against the house that Chaplin built. Who wins? Who goes home in shame, never to be heard from again until their inevitable next nomination? Who will we see in at least two more movies after their win, as ordained in the Academy Winners Contract? We’ve got the tips. We’ve got the tricks. Everything is here and we don’t have a bit or byte to spare. Let’s blow our budget, it’s Zero Credit(s)!

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Supplemental Reading: Black Panther

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You’ve experienced the hype, you’ve read the articles, you’ve heard the word of the mouth, but could you possibly be prepared to hear two middle-class white guys talk about BLACK PANTHER? I THINK NOT!! But please do, please dear God, listen to this podcast. We need this like T’Challa needs vibranium. You’ve seem the movie, right? That’s what this is about. The movie Black Panther. Don’t know if we covered that. Spoilers. Join the boys as they uncover their true feelings about the movie in real time. You might be surprised what you learn. Shrink ’em!

 

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Episode 90: John’s Guide to Austin, Texas

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Greetings traveler and welcome to here, the Portland of Texas, Austin, Texas. John’s got all the hot tips and the secrets of this here city of Texas Angels and he’s split them up into four distinct quadrants. Come on down to Downtown Austin, Texas or over to East Austin, Texas or even The Domain. Come debate over whether or not Central Austin is a thing that actually exists or not. We’ve. Got. It. All. We even have weird dives into the latest politically themed dating sites that seem oddly restrictive and weirdly accepting. Only in Austin can you find people calling for the repeal of the Dickey Amendment, no seriously please call your representative and tell them you are interested in repealing the Dickey Amendment. In the center of Austin you find the center of everything and right next to that, you can find yourself. Your reason for being. Call it Ikigai. Call it raison d’être. Just don’t call it late for supper. It’s a lighthearted romp through Austin with several heavy handed messages on here, the one, the only Zero Credit(s). Here.

 

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Episode 89: Zero Credit(s) 2 Year Anniversary Show AKA Flambeaux: First Blood Part II

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Lessmumblemumbleroolay, listeners, because it’s Mardi Gras time in the Zero Credit(s) studio! The furniture’s been put up and the recording space has been converted, for one night only, into the happeningest fais do-do around. Henry’s working up a pot of his famous étouffée, while John is cutting a rug with a blistering do-si-do, so bring your best alligator crawfish because things are about to go Bourbon Street St. Louis Cathedral paddle boat. The Boys dig into the history of Fat Tuesday and give you a summary and big and majestic as the National World War II Museum. Eventually, Henry and John then get into the real reason for the season: it’s the anniversary of Zero Credit(s)! They share all of their favorite memories (which are mostly about other people) and dream of episodes to come. Fan boat zydeco. You are then treated to a deep-dive into the inherent darkness of Millennial humor through the vehicle of laundry pods. Gumbo Harry Connick Jr. Tip your fire-people, dream big, and don’t eat the baby (because he’s Jesus), it’s Zero Credit(s)!

 

Music Credit:
King of the Beats Kit
from unbelievablebeats.com

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Episode 88: Foot Ball Sunday Special

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The great Foot Ball Sunday Day is an event that happens but once every year, Dear Listener, and the ZC Boys could not be more excited to cover all the great events surrounding the Big Game. Not the game itself, mind, just the events surrounding it. We’re talking the commercials, the advertisements, the …third word for commercials. It’s a commercial heavy episode of Zero Credit(s), but the only thing we’re selling is a quick look into the cultural pulse of the nation. Also, Europe’s being overrun by a mutant crawfish. That’s not a joke or anything, it’s just something that is currently happening and Henry’s got all the details to enlighten us before it all ends in a river, where no one can here you blub. Strap yourself down for some edification, Zero Credit(s) starts as soon as you hit the play button yourself, we can’t do that for you. Oh man, if we could though. Boom, everywhere. Everywhere you look, people would be listening to Zero Credit(s), whether they like it or not, endlessly, forever. Enjoy!

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Episode 87: Open Your Eyes, Ban All Knives

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The sky is growing lighter, but there’s still a chill that can cut to the bone. Come, weary souls, and let the Boys warm you with knowledge. Henry and John open the proceedings by delivering a collegiate-level overview of identifying difficult film genres (eg. Zoo, Museum). They hope your previous degree is now worthless. John makes a CLASSIC schoolboy-type error by trying to have a meaningful discussion on organized religion before he is eviscerated by Henry’s opening philosophical salvo: the Murderers Paradox. The poor fool never saw it coming. Finally, we hope you’re hankering for a big drippy scoop of Big Data, because the Boys connect some troubling dots to paint a grim picture of our future, but not without discovering some surprising facts about their own culture. No one will ever remain who they thought they were. It’s a never-ending road for your identity. It’s Zero Credit(s)!

 

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Episode 86: Let the Games Begin

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Ext. Morning, cloudy.

Charles Dance sits at a table in the courtyard of a brutalist skyscraper. He watches a couple meet and hug, as though they haven’t seen each other in quite some time. He is not moved by their reunion, despite his piqued interest. The couple moves to leave the courtyard and he stands up from the table. Maybe he’s interested in where they’re going. Maybe he can figure out what prompted their emotion, get to the essence of what makes them human in order to better understand humanity. He begins to walk but he hears the soft ping of a silenced pistol, firing twice. Two bullets rip through him from behind, taking his life and all intentions of finding out about the couple he saw in the courtyard with it.

Charles Dance steps onto the scene, tucking a silenced pistol into his coat. “Let the ga–” Two soft pings of a silenced pistol rip through the air, striking Charles Dance in the back, taking his life and all intentions of finishing his sentence with it.

Charles Dance steps onto the scene, tucking a silenced pistol in his coa– Two soft pings of a silenced pistol rip through the air, striking Charles Dance in the back, taking his life and all intentions of tucking his pistol into his coat with it.

The camera pans to reveal Charles Dance, taking a pistol from somewhere in his coat and raising it toward Charles Dance, who just shot Charles Dance, in front of him, but before he can pull the trigger, he hears the soft pings of silenced pistol firing twice and is struck twice in the back, taking his life and all intentions of shooting Charles Dance in the back to take his life and intentions of tucking the silenced pistol into his coat and presumably saying, “Let the Games Begin,” before walking off screen with it.

The camera pans over a courtyard full of the bodies of Charles Dance in various states of having shot or being shot by Charles Dance.

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Episode 85: Pointless Distractions on the Road to the Grave

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It’s finally time for the first episode of 2018. But first,

EMERGENCY ALERT
ZERO CREDIT(S) EPISODE THREAT INBOUND TO YOUR EARS. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Henry and John are back at full capacity to discuss all the things they missed in the past two weeks. What Henry thought might be a quick introduction to 2018 segment soon overtakes the entire G.D. episode as they discuss false ballistic missile alerts, fat shaming our mentally disable president, and Nintendo’s latest announcement of a bunch of stupid pieces of cardboard for the low price of 60-70 U.S. Dollars. They also wanted to discuss what’s happening to the bitcoin, but they forgot to and so the sentiment becomes like so many empty promises in the wind, dust to dust, ashes to ashes. We’re promising new and better things in 2018, starting right here, right now, in this Capital G, Capital D frickin’ episode.

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