The legends speak of the impossible – dragons have returned to the world and Hatsune Miku, the mother of dragons, is their master. Luckily, she’s across the world and can’t threaten us here, but it will only be a matter of time until she crosses the sea and tries to claim what she believes is rightfully hers. Luckily, John has a new fitness beer to give him the buff buzz he needs in order to withstand the fiery breath of the wraith of Quibi – and he’s dead. It’s up to Henry now to try and stand up to the likes of JK Rowling’s weird stance against transpeople – and he’s dead too. Wow, dragons are like…tough. I guess no one can stop Hatsune Miku. It’s all here, this week on Zero Credit(s)!
No jokes, no bits, no funny business. This episode is a collection of information to support Black Lives Matter and be on the right side of history. After much debate, Henry and John thought this was the best way to utilize the platform and help through their voices behind the cause. Please listen for how you can help.
Look, here’s the deal creators. We’re fans, and that means we’re entitled to the work you create to be done in a certain way. Our way. You have no say in this matter. *Cocks gun* It’s just the way the world works, creators. Us fans, well, we’ve got certain…means, to get what we want. You’re nothing without us. You don’t release the Synder Cut? Well. That’s a mighty fine DVD of Justine League you have there. It would be a shame if…no one bought it. Yeah, we’d do that. We wouldn’t buy your creation if you don’t curtail to our demands. Now let’s get this straight, Tom Hooper. You get back in that fucking editing room and you put buttholes on all those Cats. Or else, well, you don’t want to know what we’ll do. You ever heard of Twitter? Yeah, I thought so. We’ll hashtag all over the damn place. You want that on your head, Hooper? Now let’s get that weird teethed version of Sonic back in the movie.
John has returned from Venezuela, but he is not out of trouble yet as the FBI are holding Henry’s dead dog hostage. Will Make-a-Wish kid, Allison, be able to turn the tides of the interrogation, or will it all turn out to be cube sketches in the end? Find out, this week, on Zero Credit(s).
John is missing. We can’t find him. Luckily, someone did, and by someone, we mean a country’s government did. They’re keeping him safe for now, but who knows how long they’ll keep him alive. It’s up to you, the fams, to locate him by solving a bunch of geographic puzzles and history clues. So get to it, fams. Go find John. He’s in a red trench coat, a red hat, long flowing black hair, and he might be a woman. You know, as a disguise. Also, Hamilton on Disney+ on July 3rd and more Mandalorian talk!
John has gone missing. He’s not sick or anything, so don’t worry. He’s just not here. So to fill the J-shaped void of John, Henry’s wife, and also her own person, Jamie steps up to the couch to discuss what’s currently happening in the Henry and Jamie household. Mostly, it’s watching TV. But what kinds of TV?! A new Star Wars movie directed and co-written by Taika Waititi? Well, no cause it’s not out yet. How about some riveting round-table discussions of the Mandalorian on Disney+? Not really, because round tables are dumb. Well then certainly the Disney singalong and Stephen Sondheim concert? Technically only Jamie watched that and she has a lot of thoughts on it. Well, then what did you watch, huh? You’ll have to listen to find out on this special quarantine edition of Zero Credit(s). (Middleditch & Schwartz)
Hello there, Quibidiots, it’s your boys Henry and John coming straight to you with the latest Quibinfo-dump. We’ve got all the fresh takes on all your favorite Quibi Shows, like Michael Peña Makes Pizza, Chevy Chase’s Credit Check, and Judge Teigan. Hold on to your Quibutts, cause it just gets more Quibigreat. We got Daniel Craig and Felicia Day Talk About Their Cats, Sam Rami’s 50 States of Fright, and Charlie Day’s Day, where Charlie Day just talks about his day. We’re going to cover all of these shows and more, because Quibi is the streaming platform of the futur– and my phone just died. So I guess we can’t watch the latest episode of Justin Roiland Sitting in a Room with No Microphone. Damn. Okay, I’m going to plug my phone in and then I guess we can keep going, but until then, Henry and John can discuss something unimportant like the impact of opening state economies too early or something.
What should have been a simple task has become an ordeal and now it’s all here for you to listen to, Fams. John simply wanted to tell Henry of the drinking he has done in the past couple of days, but what happens? The ole Henry derailment train pulls into the station. Wait. A derailment train? Wouldn’t that, like, destroy whatever rail is in front of it? So it would derail itself? How would it even reach the station? No idea.
John mentions an artist in this episode and then never says who they are, so we’re going to give a little shout out to Alex Schafer here in the description. Go check out his work!
It’s 1493 and we’ve been on this boat for months. Sure, we set off in 1492, but we didn’t realize it was going to take more than half a year to get to India. And sure, we all want to get rich by trading spices, but this is a bit too far, don’t you think? It’s been a couple of weeks and we’ve gone no where. There’s no wind. We’re lucky we stopped by those islands and picked up a couple of tortoises, else the other men would be going crazy with thoughts of running out of food, but even the tortoises will only last so long. Why’d we even take on this venture in the first place, not knowing how long the long way around would be? It’s all that crazy Christo’s fault. Maybe…we should mutiny…and sail back for Spain, where we came from.
In far off lands, there lives a tale of a large dog. For centuries, this large dog ate and ate as it pleased, smacking its lips on delicious treats. Then humans came to the large dog and told it that it could no longer eat. The big dog, sad, listened to the humans and stopped eating. Centuries passed and all seemed well. But slowly, the world became worse. Global warming. Disease. Quarantines outside of the Quarantine region of France. The large dog had been protecting humanity from these things for so long as its treats were carbon emissions and diseases.
So please. As John says. Let him be the first one to say, “Let the big dog eat.”
