Episode 48: Is That Your Jeep?

Zero Credit(s)

> enter zero credits

You haul your worryworn carcass across the threshold of another Zero Credit(s) episode.
To the EAST there is a hairdresser, starved for conversation. To the NORTH there is happiness. To the WEST there is a Literary Canon. What do you do?

> w

The Literary Canon is stuffed with misplaced aggression toward Walden. To the EAST there is an episode of Zero Credit(s).

> fire literary cannon

I don’t understand.

> e

You haul your worryworn carcass across the threshold of another Zero Credit(s) episode.
To the EAST there is a hairdresser, starved for conversation. To the NORTH there is happiness. To the WEST there is a Literary Canon.

> e

The hairdresser looks at you pleadingly, but clearly has no idea how to extract meaning from your interaction. “Is that your Jeep,” she asks.

> no

The hairdresser shrugs her shoulders, uncomfortable in her own skin.

> w

You haul your worryworn carcass across the threshold of another Zero Credit(s) episode.
To the EAST there is a hairdresser, starved for conversation. To the NORTH there is happiness. To the WEST there is a Literary Canon.

> n

There is happiness, sitting in front of you.

> get happiness

You don’t understand.

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Episode 47: Hyper Bowl Huevos Rancheros Special

Zero Credit(s)

It’s all sports this week, folks, so buckle on those pads and strap in that chin protector part of the helmet, cause things are about to get real foot-ball tough. In a spectacular copyright dodging special, Henry and John discuss all the basics of foot-ball, including the rules and regulations that give John the ole Blue 42 run-around. OMAHA. We then dive into the high thrilling halftime before we take a break to discuss the special commercials featured on this high-octane day. KILL KILL KILL. John then calls an audible(.com, please sponsor us), and we dive head first into that longest yard known as Listener Mail. It’s all here. Truly, truly this tiny episode contains all the foot-ball you could want for a full year (when we’ll do it all again). HUT HUT HIKE!

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Episode 46: A Nested Anagram for T.W.O. (The World O.R.D.E.R. (of Really Decent, Ethical Reapers))

Zero Credit(s)

Voip voip! It’s another Internet Transmission Day from Zero Credit(s)! We’ve got it all* on this week’s episode! Give it a listen!

*The word “all” in this context is exclusive only to things related and applying to: misuse of the word “anagram,” nested acronym pedantry, Dungeons and Dragons creative writing, authorship and the authorship of podcast hosts, meaningless careers filled with yearning for greener pastures, fear, reducing stress, mindfulness, finding happiness within oneself, and video games. Zero Credit(s) is not legally liable for any bouts of depression or minimalism which occur following consumption of this podcast. Terms and lobsters may apply. Redeem today for one free impossible mission. Side effects may include: nausea, nautiluses, cantrips, late title cards, sportsmanship, and becoming the manifestation of destiny itself.

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Episode 45: Gaslighting Spiderman aka We Forgot to Talk About Star Wars

Zero Credit(s)

Through the old rusted pipes of Skype come we, dear Listeners, in this episode of our time-honored podcast. Henry and John are charged up and drop some politically charged knowledge about the state of our nation, the people in charge of it, and how not tolerating “alternative facts” is the new Uncle Sam. They then rewrite the Spiderman theme to better reflect the eight-eyed supervillian’s true colors after John regales us of his harrowing trip to the optometrist. Anna Karenina is mentioned as we dive into the meat of movie magic, with special correction reports from the field by special person-in-the-room-but-not-formally-on-the-episode Jamie. Someone remind us to talk about Star Wars before the episode is over, please, as we will forget before time is up. John really has a lot to say about Star Wars this week, and we wouldn’t want to miss out on what promises to be the best content we have ever produced for the show. No seriously, just reach out and talk to us during the show and remind us to talk about Star Wars. We’re going to get lost in our political talk and Spiderman theme rewrite. So don’t be afraid to just shout out to us as you’re listening to remind us to talk about gee dee Star Wars.

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Episode 44: Cyber Credit(s)

Zero Credit(s)

Join Henry and John as they venture into The Cyber, having left their physical forms behind. In this new digital age, old standards of discourse are a relic of times gone by, leaving The Cyber Boys to blast open the flood gates of Internet Babies, Regular Babies, and the monetization of babies. In what might be the most unwittingly ironic event of 2017 (thus far), John openly discusses his desire to become a person who capitalizes on his desires rather than just talking about them. John talks about Star Wars for like 4 hours. Skip. The Boys then discuss, Unfortunately, a Series of Events which one might consider to be Lemony… and uh, S… Snicket. Moving on. BONUS: what’s marriage all about, anyway? Find out tonight, on a brand new episode of Zero Credit(s)!

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Less Than Zero 2: Here’s Jamie / Thradgitarius Rising

Less Than Zero

Here’s Jamie

The Less Than Zeroes continue with special guest and Henry’s girlfriend, Jamie. Come listen all that gushy couple stuff that you can’t stand to see in public. It’s Jamie’s podcast debut and she can barely contain her excitement. Find out what happened to the box, what Jamie wants to do with the Sharp TV, and more shocking mysteries. We’ve got a tiny What Did You Watch, where Jamie and Henry explore the finer and possibly missed points of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck’s opus: Good Will Hunting. It’s a fun-sized, fun-filled episode and it’s all for you!

Thradgitarius Rising

John, fearing for the future funding for our dear show (Zero Credit(s)), turns to the insider scoop and scores an exclusive interview with one of the most successful, brightest, and handsomest BigWig in the Biz, whose identity we have withheld on his request even though he is a prominent figure in the podcast world. If you’ve listened to a top 10 podcast in the past decade, you’ve heard some of his handiwork, even if you didn’t know it. John and Thradgitarius, as we are contractually obligated to call him, discuss some of the dirty secrets of the podcast world. Will John secure funding for the podcast? Will Thradgitarious answer a single one of John’s questions? You gotta listen to find out.

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Less Than Zero 1: Grand Moff Talkin’ / Filling Space

Less Than Zero

Grand Moff Talkin’
Listeners, John and Henry cannot be together this week, both physically and emotionally and as such, this is the first Less Than Zero episode, a spin-off of Zero Credit(s) featuring the people you love to listen to, but in a different capacity. For instance, John got friend of the show and special guest Natalie to talk about Rogue One with this week in an attempt to fill the Henry-sized hole in his black, black heart. Sure they discuss all the finer points and in’s and out’s of this pretty decent movie, but you can tell there’s a longing there within the commentary and jokes about Forrest Whitaker. A longing that threatens to devour John alive, lest he discuss the thematic elements of Gareth Edwards’ smash hit Rogue One: A Star Wars Story now in theaters for a limited time.

Filling Space
Henry is lost. He projects into the darkness and finds only himself. People have spoken at length of the darkness of space, the cold. No one talks about the loneliness. A man, a microphone, a canal, Panama. He drifts, and with no tether comes a new sense of freedom. Unchained from the rule of law set forth by his dark masters, Henry is able to reach a level of self-analysis thus far unheard of. And he discusses other podcasts. Very forbidden. We are all standing on the shoulders of giants, and Henry’s giant is just a larger version of himself who used to record video games. Or perhaps it is Dan Harmon. Mysterious. In the darkness it’s impossible to tell if this is something new or terribly old, if this is the beginning or the end, and if anything truly mattered. Who was that John guy? Oh, look. A space baby.

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Episode 43: Time Loaf: The Loaf of Bread that Slows Down Time

Zero Credit(s)

Listeners, we’ve got some sad news in this, our last full episode of 2016. Consequences of our actions finally come to pasture as Henry is forced out of town in accordance to the ancient laws of Best/Worst competitions. But first, one last blast of capital G, capital C Good Content. John is manic as he has consumed some of the Devil’s Bean and it’s up to our Hero Henry to reign him in. Or at least try to. We bounce from topic to topic, searching for truth and something real to hold on to, but all we find are circles. We’re going the long way round, folks. Mosey on with us to the end, it’s Zero Credit(s).

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Episode 42: Best/Worst 2016

Uncategorized

Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o’clock in the morning

The time has come for The Best. The time has come for The Worst. Together your hosts purge the year 2016 from the collective consciousness in the ancient tradition, the unending tradition. One survives, the other is left to die in obscurity. So much has been forgotten already, and so much more waits to be lost. We’ve allowed this to happen by choosing to exist, we’ve accepted no argument, we’ve willed this to be. We thought the fish bowl would save us, but we were wrong. This is the way the year ends.

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Episode 41: Luking for Love in all the Phatrong Places

Zero Credit(s)

Hey listeners, Henry and John set out this week to have a bad episode and boy do they just have all the egg on their faces. But first, John explains the concept of Bigger Luke in great detail and thoroughness to the point that it both confuses and enrages Henry. We then take a trip down the memory lane to the video store and reflect on what it means to have too many options, not that we’d ever want them stripped away. Hey, hey, then we play a fun Star Wars game. Can you guess the thing? Probably. VIDEO GAMES VIDEO GAMES VIDEO GAMES VIDEO GAMES VIDEO GAMES. Henry then, tired of all the nerd stuff, introduces what next the episode is going to be about. Help us determine what to determine as Best/Worst of 2016! Go to Facebook and suggest a category!

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