Woah howdy there, ya’ll, it’s time for the Zero Credit(s) Round Up! All the Gang’s here. Henry. John. The Sexy Executive Officer. We’ve got them all and they’ve got some grand ole fun for you, Dear Listener. It all starts when John explains that life is all just one big drinking game where you have to wager whether your card is black or red. Yep, that’s all life is. End of story. We then briefly reveal where Henry lives to showcase Master Pancake Theatre, but don’t worry about that cause the wild west isn’t nothin’ if it ain’t supportin’ Free Comic Book Day. Before you can even begin to flip that silver dollar to render it worthless by shooting through it, thus demonstrating both your sharpshooting skills and your opinions about centralized, government controlled currency, we’re boot deep in the Great British Bake Off. The calvary’s here and the Zero Credit(s) is as well, it’s high time for some podcast crime. Westerns.

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Zero Credit(s) VR Experience Patch Notes 05/05/2017
– Fixed issue with horses
– Nobility has been reduced
– Added full simulation of cold medicine
– Improved writing of Christopher Nolan
– No longer possible to wiggle and fall through the earth
– Dreams may be closer than they appear
– Removed final rogue podcast
– Removed Marc Maron from simulation
– Fire no longer speaks
– Added civil unrest functionality
– Fixed crash issue when eating at THAT Starbucks. You know the one.
– Added hats

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The drums beat out a crisp beat, urging their soldiers forward. Bom, bom bom bom. The microscopic soldiers have marched for two weeks without rest, laying siege to John’s immune system. They’ve sieged the nose, razed the throat, and left the stomach a burned husk, and yet they drive on. How much longer could this war go on, they wonder. Their wives are lonely. Their children are hungry. Bom, bom bom bom.

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John has a fatal secret in this episode that he doesn’t reveal until it’s too late. Seriously, we discuss robot cookbooks fueled by neural network learning, including Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Cake and Chocolate Chips with Chocolate Chips, and the entire time John is harboring a secret that could threaten the very existence of the podcast. We even change topics to The Legend of Zelda: The Breath of the Wild on the Nintendo Switch and all of its intricate, interlocking systems, and John doesn’t once mention his terrible and dark secret. After a nice The Break featuring American Girl by Dumspell, spirits are low, but Breath of the Wild picks them up again along with a few other video games and a tiny discussion of the Mass Effect series, cause if Henry’s piloting this ship, we head into video game territory like 100% of the time. Only then, in the death throes of the episode, does John reveal his insidious secret before promptly tail-spinning into one of the most dramatic endings to a podcast since the season one finale. It’s all here, folks. Everything.

Music:
American Girl by Dumspell
https://dumspell.bandcamp.com/track/dumspell

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Greetings listener, to this weary episode of Zero Credit(s)! Henry and John crawl out of their respective corporate holes to deliver a bold prediction: capitalism will persist for six more weeks. That doesn’t stop John from getting uncharacteristically fired-up about Lucha Libre, though, as he schools Henry on the finer points of the seedy action of Lucha Underground. Ever wondered how high a coffee table should be? Worry not, because the boys call in a ringer for some intense interior design tips. All of this, and much more, is punctuated by the lovely music of Joshua Forrest during The Break. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS

Music: On Misty Steppes by Joshua Forrest
soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/joshuacforrest/tracks

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Welcome back, listeners, to Season Two. This time around, we’ve got loads of things to talk about, from Furby bug reports to representing women in film in this brash new string of 80’s and 90’s revived franchises. Should women always be represented as the tough warriors we see them as in films constantly? Maybe. Or should films follow the more general guideline of let ________ be ________. Then we have a pretty hopping The Break featuring music by Flying Raccoon Suit. Somewhere along the line, John and Henry fight verbally over the meaning of punctuations in the fast-paced world of personal communications. Whose side are you on? It’s the Zero Credits Punctuation Civil War Hour! And it’s all for you, dear listener, so please be a dear and listen. Periods do not connote anger.

Music:
Parasites by Flying Raccoon Suit
bandcamp: https://flyingraccoonsuit.bandcamp.com/

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“The World’s Greatest Podcast 2017”

Season 2 is live, listeners. Henry and John have cleaned the old Zero Credit(s) Lodge up a little bit, but they smashed most of the lights and threw out some precious segments. A darker, more streamlined abode awaits you beyond the threshold. Should you choose to enter, you would be delighted by the semi-informed critiques of the American healthcare system, flabbergasted by their ignorance of insurance, and flummoxed by the serendipity of their themes. Your favorite break has, unfortunately, been donated to feed the demons. In its place, however, is an exciting new The Break, a place for a weary listener to relax their minds and open their ear-minds. Also, masturbation and bodybuilding. Typical Zero Credit(s) stuff! Welcome to season 2, ya nerds! PAKOW

Music:
The World Moves On by Allen Mann
bandcamp: https://allenmann.bandcamp.com/

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It’s time, Dear listeners. Time for season one of your favorite, time-honored podcast to come to a rapid and satisfying(?) close. All the plot lines come rushing in to a gooey, cupcake-filled singularity in a way that will both thrill, shock, and discomfort you. In traditional TV-style, we’re not pulling any of our punches for this, the last episode of the current season. Someone will talk about video games. Someone will talk about movies. Someone might die. The stakes have never been higher, nor more confusing and/or just plain made up altogether. Get those cameras rolling and your DVR soaring, it’s m’f’in’ Zero Credit(s) time up in this block of scheduled programming.

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