Greetings listener, to this weary episode of Zero Credit(s)! Henry and John crawl out of their respective corporate holes to deliver a bold prediction: capitalism will persist for six more weeks. That doesn’t stop John from getting uncharacteristically fired-up about Lucha Libre, though, as he schools Henry on the finer points of the seedy action of Lucha Underground. Ever wondered how high a coffee table should be? Worry not, because the boys call in a ringer for some intense interior design tips. All of this, and much more, is punctuated by the lovely music of Joshua Forrest during The Break. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS

Music: On Misty Steppes by Joshua Forrest
soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/joshuacforrest/tracks

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Welcome back, listeners, to Season Two. This time around, we’ve got loads of things to talk about, from Furby bug reports to representing women in film in this brash new string of 80’s and 90’s revived franchises. Should women always be represented as the tough warriors we see them as in films constantly? Maybe. Or should films follow the more general guideline of let ________ be ________. Then we have a pretty hopping The Break featuring music by Flying Raccoon Suit. Somewhere along the line, John and Henry fight verbally over the meaning of punctuations in the fast-paced world of personal communications. Whose side are you on? It’s the Zero Credits Punctuation Civil War Hour! And it’s all for you, dear listener, so please be a dear and listen. Periods do not connote anger.

Music:
Parasites by Flying Raccoon Suit
bandcamp: https://flyingraccoonsuit.bandcamp.com/

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“The World’s Greatest Podcast 2017”

Season 2 is live, listeners. Henry and John have cleaned the old Zero Credit(s) Lodge up a little bit, but they smashed most of the lights and threw out some precious segments. A darker, more streamlined abode awaits you beyond the threshold. Should you choose to enter, you would be delighted by the semi-informed critiques of the American healthcare system, flabbergasted by their ignorance of insurance, and flummoxed by the serendipity of their themes. Your favorite break has, unfortunately, been donated to feed the demons. In its place, however, is an exciting new The Break, a place for a weary listener to relax their minds and open their ear-minds. Also, masturbation and bodybuilding. Typical Zero Credit(s) stuff! Welcome to season 2, ya nerds! PAKOW

Music:
The World Moves On by Allen Mann
bandcamp: https://allenmann.bandcamp.com/

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It’s time, Dear listeners. Time for season one of your favorite, time-honored podcast to come to a rapid and satisfying(?) close. All the plot lines come rushing in to a gooey, cupcake-filled singularity in a way that will both thrill, shock, and discomfort you. In traditional TV-style, we’re not pulling any of our punches for this, the last episode of the current season. Someone will talk about video games. Someone will talk about movies. Someone might die. The stakes have never been higher, nor more confusing and/or just plain made up altogether. Get those cameras rolling and your DVR soaring, it’s m’f’in’ Zero Credit(s) time up in this block of scheduled programming.

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> enter zero credits

You haul your worryworn carcass across the threshold of another Zero Credit(s) episode.
To the EAST there is a hairdresser, starved for conversation. To the NORTH there is happiness. To the WEST there is a Literary Canon. What do you do?

> w

The Literary Canon is stuffed with misplaced aggression toward Walden. To the EAST there is an episode of Zero Credit(s).

> fire literary cannon

I don’t understand.

> e

You haul your worryworn carcass across the threshold of another Zero Credit(s) episode.
To the EAST there is a hairdresser, starved for conversation. To the NORTH there is happiness. To the WEST there is a Literary Canon.

> e

The hairdresser looks at you pleadingly, but clearly has no idea how to extract meaning from your interaction. “Is that your Jeep,” she asks.

> no

The hairdresser shrugs her shoulders, uncomfortable in her own skin.

> w

You haul your worryworn carcass across the threshold of another Zero Credit(s) episode.
To the EAST there is a hairdresser, starved for conversation. To the NORTH there is happiness. To the WEST there is a Literary Canon.

> n

There is happiness, sitting in front of you.

> get happiness

You don’t understand.

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It’s all sports this week, folks, so buckle on those pads and strap in that chin protector part of the helmet, cause things are about to get real foot-ball tough. In a spectacular copyright dodging special, Henry and John discuss all the basics of foot-ball, including the rules and regulations that give John the ole Blue 42 run-around. OMAHA. We then dive into the high thrilling halftime before we take a break to discuss the special commercials featured on this high-octane day. KILL KILL KILL. John then calls an audible(.com, please sponsor us), and we dive head first into that longest yard known as Listener Mail. It’s all here. Truly, truly this tiny episode contains all the foot-ball you could want for a full year (when we’ll do it all again). HUT HUT HIKE!

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Voip voip! It’s another Internet Transmission Day from Zero Credit(s)! We’ve got it all* on this week’s episode! Give it a listen!

*The word “all” in this context is exclusive only to things related and applying to: misuse of the word “anagram,” nested acronym pedantry, Dungeons and Dragons creative writing, authorship and the authorship of podcast hosts, meaningless careers filled with yearning for greener pastures, fear, reducing stress, mindfulness, finding happiness within oneself, and video games. Zero Credit(s) is not legally liable for any bouts of depression or minimalism which occur following consumption of this podcast. Terms and lobsters may apply. Redeem today for one free impossible mission. Side effects may include: nausea, nautiluses, cantrips, late title cards, sportsmanship, and becoming the manifestation of destiny itself.

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Through the old rusted pipes of Skype come we, dear Listeners, in this episode of our time-honored podcast. Henry and John are charged up and drop some politically charged knowledge about the state of our nation, the people in charge of it, and how not tolerating “alternative facts” is the new Uncle Sam. They then rewrite the Spiderman theme to better reflect the eight-eyed supervillian’s true colors after John regales us of his harrowing trip to the optometrist. Anna Karenina is mentioned as we dive into the meat of movie magic, with special correction reports from the field by special person-in-the-room-but-not-formally-on-the-episode Jamie. Someone remind us to talk about Star Wars before the episode is over, please, as we will forget before time is up. John really has a lot to say about Star Wars this week, and we wouldn’t want to miss out on what promises to be the best content we have ever produced for the show. No seriously, just reach out and talk to us during the show and remind us to talk about Star Wars. We’re going to get lost in our political talk and Spiderman theme rewrite. So don’t be afraid to just shout out to us as you’re listening to remind us to talk about gee dee Star Wars.

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Join Henry and John as they venture into The Cyber, having left their physical forms behind. In this new digital age, old standards of discourse are a relic of times gone by, leaving The Cyber Boys to blast open the flood gates of Internet Babies, Regular Babies, and the monetization of babies. In what might be the most unwittingly ironic event of 2017 (thus far), John openly discusses his desire to become a person who capitalizes on his desires rather than just talking about them. John talks about Star Wars for like 4 hours. Skip. The Boys then discuss, Unfortunately, a Series of Events which one might consider to be Lemony… and uh, S… Snicket. Moving on. BONUS: what’s marriage all about, anyway? Find out tonight, on a brand new episode of Zero Credit(s)!

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Listeners, we’ve got some sad news in this, our last full episode of 2016. Consequences of our actions finally come to pasture as Henry is forced out of town in accordance to the ancient laws of Best/Worst competitions. But first, one last blast of capital G, capital C Good Content. John is manic as he has consumed some of the Devil’s Bean and it’s up to our Hero Henry to reign him in. Or at least try to. We bounce from topic to topic, searching for truth and something real to hold on to, but all we find are circles. We’re going the long way round, folks. Mosey on with us to the end, it’s Zero Credit(s).

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