It’s finally time for the first episode of 2018. But first,
EMERGENCY ALERT ZERO CREDIT(S) EPISODE THREAT INBOUND TO YOUR EARS. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Henry and John are back at full capacity to discuss all the things they missed in the past two weeks. What Henry thought might be a quick introduction to 2018 segment soon overtakes the entire G.D. episode as they discuss false ballistic missile alerts, fat shaming our mentally disable president, and Nintendo’s latest announcement of a bunch of stupid pieces of cardboard for the low price of 60-70 U.S. Dollars. They also wanted to discuss what’s happening to the bitcoin, but they forgot to and so the sentiment becomes like so many empty promises in the wind, dust to dust, ashes to ashes. We’re promising new and better things in 2018, starting right here, right now, in this Capital G, Capital D frickin’ episode.
Let’s end this year right, Dear Listeners, by rendering judgement unto all. There is no sanctuary from judgement. All shall feel the light of the side eye cast on them. The unjust and just dab alike on this day. Let us take a walk through this year’s 10 special categories that represent the year as a whole. What was the best movie? The worst moment of our collective cultural experience? The best and worst of what humanity has to offer is here, in this episode. Aliens, if you only listen to one podcast episode encapsulating the human experience this year, make it this one. It’s all here, and a little bit more, just for you, Dear Listener. If you hit play at 10:27 pm on New Year’s Eve, you’ll start the New Year knowing the final verdict of 2017 (and also you will have participated in 2017’s last official Meme(tm)). Goodbye 2017, and hello The Encompassing Void That Lives Within Us All.
Welcome to normal day podcast. We talk about all of your favorite segments. The olympics get spooky terrors. We then briefly reveal where henry talks about horror games featuring music by the semi honored classic simulation fire. This change in atmosphere fuels our discussion of the best content known to exist offline, listeners, and that is happiness within oneself. John talks about centralized programming and it will frighten you as it seems to be awful or something new or terribly old. Sound off the boys, henry, this is the beginning of our current season and john is harboring a secret that could threaten the very existence of the wild west. To the north there is happiness: traffic will be awful. I work backwards in theaters, dear listener, so please be a dear listener to relax in theaters. Buy baby driver on bluray.
It’s that time again, listeners. Henry and John are firing up the Best/Worst machine by generating this year’s categories. Before that, though, H-Man & J-Ohn still haven’t quite shaken this most recent bout of Austin Bit Sickness, but they attempt to press on regardless. What’s the underlying narrative formula of Dragon Ball Z? The Boys sure as heck try to find out during an impromptu segment that last DOZENS OF MINUTES! All this nonsense surrounds what should probably be a pretty austere and respectful discussion of the 2017 The Inner Mind’s Eye Person of the Year issue. If you can’t stand the spoilers, get out of the kitchen. The kitchen is this week’s episode of Zero Credit(s)! Sorry!
You’ve been waiting for it, listeners. And it’s here. It’s finally, finally here. Henry and John are in the same geographic location and it is GETTING HOG CRAZY IN HERE. A manic spirit has inhabited the body of John, and that spirit (you guessed it) is the Spirit of Adventure. Now, free from the bindings of anonymity, Henry and John openly discuss their city of residence. Does that mean you can mail them pictures you took of their house? Yeah! It’s an Austin-centric episode, where the boys discuss almost nothing but the fastest (?) growing city (?) in America (?). The boys cover it all: traffic. So join us on this week’s episode of Zero Credit(s) and Keep It Sebulba.
It’s Coolsgiving again, Dear Listeners, and that means it’s time to settle once and for all who it is we pledge our Cool Thanks to on this gracious occasion. Henry and John Dive into the debate of a Thankful-themed holiday lifetime to hash out who is deserving of our Cool Thanks. With so much horribleness in the world in terms of people who deserve our praise and worship, the boys thought it would be good to carve out a least one celebrity person who we should honor for being alright people. This takes up like 75% of the episode. The remainder is dedicated to those time-honored Cool Thanks from the ZC Crew. What are you Cool Thankful for?
Henry and John are back! After a week’s hiatus, the boys return with unmistakable vim and vigor and maybe vinegar. In an effort to inject some much-needed cash into the podcast, Henry and John go all-in on a new tiered microtransaction scheme only for it to all go to pot when they realize it’s a thinly veiled scam. Rats! The intent was to provide podcast listeners with a sense of pride and accomplishment for spending hundreds of dollars on the podcast. Our team will continue to monitor community feedback and provide additional avenues to gaslight the listeners into spending similar or greater amounts of money. Also, there sure are a bunch of awful monster people being revealed to be awful monster people, huh? Henry and John try their best to make sense of the pervading mood re: awful monster people and try, in their own way, to offer support to those sharing their stories. It’s a real rollercoaster this week, folks, so make sure the bar clicks. Or you could die. Zero Credit(s)!
After a long, fright-filled month of spooky terrors, the ZC Boys are back with some regular ole, but still Good, Content. Trevor may have mysteriously vanished but the podcast rolls on, as Henry and John discuss what they’re doing in the podcast and why they’re doing it while they’re doing it in a State of the Podcast segment that answers all your deep, burning questions. John then starts mocking Henry’s thirst for understanding meme culture and that quickly transitions into a discussion questioning the existence of rich millennials. Then John gets like really, really mad. Like really mad. I mean, it was a little scary. Not Frightentimes levels, but man. Don’t get John mad and don’t make claims for the sake of starting a conversation when there’s clearly evidence out there about the very “conversation” you want to start. Anyway, that does it for me, Clara, the new official ZC Intern.
WELCOME TO EPISODE 4 OF THE FRIGHTENTIMES /
EPISODE 5 COMING SOON / EPISODE 6 FOLLOWS /
AND FOREVER ON / WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF /
DO YOU EVER GET ANXIOUS / EMAIL US /
IF YOU REALLY HAD TO DO IT WHO WOULD YOU HURT FIRST /
JOIN THE CONVERSATION RATE COMMENT SUBSCRIBE /
EVERY TIME YOU SLEEP YOU DIE /
WHEN YOU WAKE UP YOU ARE BORN AGAIN /
AN ANIMAL WILL LET YOU KNOW IF IT IS BEING HURT /
DO YOUR FEARS COME FROM A LACK OF UNDERSTANDING OR AN UNWILLINGNESS TO UNDERSTAND /
FEED / FEED US / WELCOME TO THE FRIGHTENTIMES /
WELCOME TO NORMAL /
Featuring: Killers by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Just a little bit further now, I promise. We’ve come so far into the abyss, haven’t we? I doubt we’ll be able to return the same, go back to what we once were. The things we’ve seen change a person. I’ve tried to shield you from most of it. I wonder if you appreciate my…sacrifice. No longer am I the mild-mannered podcast episode description writer I once was. I have been broken down, made to suffer gruesome horror after gruesome horror. Am I better for it? Are you happy you’ve been spared? Why do you keep staring at me with those searching eyes? What are you looking for, my humanity? We’re literally surrounded by beasts, ghouls, and monstrosities and you can’t tear your freaking eyes off me. Oh, is that it? You think I’m the monster here? Not the two self-centered jerks who started this? Who flung open the door of terror so flippantly with no regard for anyone else? Why don’t you go back the way we came. I can see this through on my own. I don’t need anyone else. I’ll put an end to this, once and for all, even if I have to give everything.